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"Ask Satan"
Advice Column


Dear Satan,

I work at a place that has rightly so encouraged, if not forced all the staff to relinquish their frontal lobes. Needless to say I still have mine but I am perplexed at how to initiate and sustain (for as little time as I must) conversation with my colleagues at the lunch table all the while knowing that they are completely devoid of any remnant of personality or spontaneity and are now "little generals" in the corporation's SOOT brigade. (Stamp out original thought) I am not averse to socializing with the dead but just in need of your vast knowledge on the subject.

Thanks muchly,
Pat


Satan Dear Pat,

We all have our little private hells now, don't we? It's kind of tough to give you any useful advice because I so enjoy your suffering. There is nothing I'd like more than the grisly (but humorous) scene you would create by leaping, naked from the waist down, from atop the vending machine in the company cafeteria, hanging yourself with your own skivvies after ranting briefly about things your coworkers are incapable of comprehending. If you decide to live instead, I suggest you grunt and gesture a lot when communicating with your coworkers, using pictures whenever possible and throwing your feces whenever they make you angry.

A spiked shoulder to cry on,
Satan

Satan@hcmf.com

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           Joke Forum Info posted on Mon 19 Jul 04 19:55:40
What is A.A.A.D.D.................. by zzyzx: I am a Joker zzyzx on Mon 27 Feb 06 23:03
A Sensitive Southern Man..... by zzyzx: I am a Joker zzyzx on Mon 27 Feb 06 22:45
'Cause her dog was blind too...... by zzyzx: I am a Joker zzyzx on Mon 27 Feb 06 22:30
Because I'm a man............ by zzyzx: I am a Joker zzyzx on Mon 27 Feb 06 22:13
Read this and sing................ by zzyzx: I am a Joker zzyzx on Mon 27 Feb 06 22:04
Cajun industrial accident.......... by zzyzx: I am a Joker zzyzx on Mon 27 Feb 06 07:55
New drugs for women........... by zzyzx: I am a Joker zzyzx on Mon 27 Feb 06 00:31
He's got wood... by I never met a pornstar I didn't like sonoftort on Sun 26 Feb 06 13:47
Not politically correct jokes by beesting on Sun 26 Feb 06 07:16
Jewish jokes by beesting on Sun 26 Feb 06 07:14
Mildly racist by beesting on Sun 26 Feb 06 07:12
Another short one by beesting on Sun 26 Feb 06 07:11
Some facts about Vin Diesel by beesting on Sun 26 Feb 06 07:10
Macabre... bad taste joke by beesting on Sun 26 Feb 06 07:05
Another difference by beesting on Sun 26 Feb 06 07:04
What's the difference? by beesting on Sun 26 Feb 06 06:48
Actually this could never.......... by zzyzx: I am a Joker zzyzx on Fri 24 Feb 06 21:41
You get what you pay for........... by zzyzx: I am a Joker zzyzx on Fri 24 Feb 06 21:15
Pirate tales.................. by zzyzx: I am a Joker zzyzx on Fri 24 Feb 06 09:37
  • NT Old but good! by beesting on Sun 26 Feb 06 16:51
  • NT Very funny thnx zzyzx by vladimir69 on Tue 28 Feb 06 02:54
Things Mom taught me............... by zzyzx: I am a Joker zzyzx on Fri 24 Feb 06 09:23
Eileen, Irene, and Julene by zzyzx: I am a Joker zzyzx on Thu 23 Feb 06 23:04
  • Cute by woodwrkr1 on Fri 24 Feb 06 02:02
How much is that............ by zzyzx: I am a Joker zzyzx on Thu 23 Feb 06 21:37
Blue pill blues................ by zzyzx: I am a Joker zzyzx on Thu 23 Feb 06 21:17
Calling Long Distance... by I never met a pornstar I didn't like sonoftort on Thu 23 Feb 06 14:47
Junior's joke.............. by zzyzx: I am a Joker zzyzx on Wed 22 Feb 06 16:57
My wife left me.................. by zzyzx: I am a Joker zzyzx on Wed 22 Feb 06 01:17
Lesbonics ............... by zzyzx: I am a Joker zzyzx on Wed 22 Feb 06 00:54
My kind of doc.................... by zzyzx: I am a Joker zzyzx on Wed 22 Feb 06 00:19
It's how you pronounce it.......... by zzyzx: I am a Joker zzyzx on Tue 21 Feb 06 23:49
God Bless Canada by Shattered on Tue 21 Feb 06 17:22
Sothern Confort............ by zzyzx: I am a Joker zzyzx on Mon 20 Feb 06 22:11
Church Traffic... by I never met a pornstar I didn't like sonoftort on Mon 20 Feb 06 19:02
Southern Grandma... by I never met a pornstar I didn't like sonoftort on Sun 19 Feb 06 00:46
Oil change............ by zzyzx: I am a Joker zzyzx on Sat 18 Feb 06 18:13
You know is here....... by pokeher on Sat 18 Feb 06 18:08
Bride to Be... by I never met a pornstar I didn't like sonoftort on Fri 17 Feb 06 15:22
Now that's sick............. by zzyzx: I am a Joker zzyzx on Fri 17 Feb 06 02:12
A Dime A Dozen... by I never met a pornstar I didn't like sonoftort on Tue 14 Feb 06 22:23
Rules to Enter Texas............... by zzyzx: I am a Joker zzyzx on Mon 13 Feb 06 17:00
A sad story................. by zzyzx: I am a Joker zzyzx on Sun 12 Feb 06 15:57
This guy goes............ by zzyzx: I am a Joker zzyzx on Sun 12 Feb 06 15:47
Comming mergers.............. by zzyzx: I am a Joker zzyzx on Sun 12 Feb 06 12:06
  • NT Poly, Warner, Cracker? Monkey Island :D by Murmel: I have a Brain Murmel on Wed 15 Feb 06 16:00
Girls night out by number2_1212 on Sun 12 Feb 06 10:47
Just a little test............... by zzyzx: I am a Joker zzyzx on Fri 10 Feb 06 21:31
Top Mensa Pick-up Lines... by I never met a pornstar I didn't like sonoftort on Fri 10 Feb 06 15:08
just for fun by msr: I am a Joker msr on Thu 9 Feb 06 17:07
The redneck & the gorilla.......... by zzyzx: I am a Joker zzyzx on Tue 7 Feb 06 23:25
heartwarming by msr: I am a Joker msr on Tue 7 Feb 06 16:48
Costume Hire... by I never met a pornstar I didn't like sonoftort on Mon 6 Feb 06 19:16
  • NT always funny..thx tort by msr: I am a Joker msr on Wed 8 Feb 06 19:27
Nite skool fer men................ by zzyzx: I am a Joker zzyzx on Sat 4 Feb 06 03:39
Peanuts (bet ya can't eat just one) by zzyzx: I am a Joker zzyzx on Fri 3 Feb 06 23:38
  • NT nasty...lol by msr: I am a Joker msr on Wed 8 Feb 06 19:26
New Speedos... by I never met a pornstar I didn't like sonoftort on Fri 3 Feb 06 15:28
And so it goes................. by zzyzx: I am a Joker zzyzx on Wed 1 Feb 06 23:23
The Big Game Hunter................ by zzyzx: I am a Joker zzyzx on Wed 1 Feb 06 23:09
An example of............. by zzyzx: I am a Joker zzyzx on Wed 1 Feb 06 22:16
funnies by msr: I am a Joker msr on Wed 1 Feb 06 19:29
Cleaning instructions.............. by zzyzx: I am a Joker zzyzx on Wed 1 Feb 06 10:58
And so it goes................. by zzyzx: I am a Joker zzyzx on Tue 31 Jan 06 10:40
sunday on the beach... by I never met a pornstar I didn't like sonoftort on Mon 30 Jan 06 23:27
A better health plan. by zzyzx: I am a Joker zzyzx on Mon 30 Jan 06 22:14
UCLA study - DoP by Shattered on Mon 30 Jan 06 20:55
Little Johnny Strikes Again by Shattered on Mon 30 Jan 06 20:49
world's thinnest books by msr: I am a Joker msr on Mon 30 Jan 06 14:36
Genesis (Updated)......... by zzyzx: I am a Joker zzyzx on Mon 30 Jan 06 00:07
blonds... by huntergrn - God amongst Heroes huntergrn on Sun 29 Jan 06 12:46
Who says............. by zzyzx: I am a Joker zzyzx on Thu 26 Jan 06 11:05
Dance Baby Dance.. by Sineater Sineater on Wed 25 Jan 06 16:28
  • NTOops! Credit facilities ? he he ! Thx Sineater ! by i post what i like.just hope  you like what i post ! Speed on Sat 28 Jan 06 21:11
Opening Night for a Hypnotist... by I never met a pornstar I didn't like sonoftort on Wed 25 Jan 06 16:23
  • (NT) rotflmao................ by zzyzx: I am a Joker zzyzx on Thu 26 Jan 06 01:18
state-of-the-art ... by Click here to see my email address blackassfan on Tue 24 Jan 06 16:31
Games for seniors......... by zzyzx: I am a Joker zzyzx on Mon 23 Jan 06 23:43
New Definitions... by I never met a pornstar I didn't like sonoftort on Sun 22 Jan 06 22:23
A joke for Satan............. by zzyzx: I am a Joker zzyzx on Sun 22 Jan 06 14:33
2nt best joke (Austrilalia)........ by zzyzx: I am a Joker zzyzx on Sun 22 Jan 06 14:14
Fairly old joke by beesting on Sat 21 Jan 06 05:51
Best Joke of the Year (Australia) by Click here to see my email address blackassfan on Fri 20 Jan 06 00:55
  • NT (hee-hee) This must be a ........... by zzyzx: I am a Joker zzyzx on Fri 20 Jan 06 11:24
    • NT Oh, I wasn't aware of that. Sorry. by Click here to see my email address blackassfan on Sat 21 Jan 06 06:36
      • NT Just shows how popular this joke is.. by zzyzx: I am a Joker zzyzx on Sat 21 Jan 06 15:42
Lawyer mischief........... by zzyzx: I am a Joker zzyzx on Thu 19 Jan 06 21:14
Same shit happened to me too....... by zzyzx: I am a Joker zzyzx on Wed 18 Jan 06 23:16
How come?.......... by zzyzx: I am a Joker zzyzx on Wed 18 Jan 06 23:11
The spot........... by zzyzx: I am a Joker zzyzx on Wed 18 Jan 06 22:03
Family dinner by I never met a pornstar I didn't like sonoftort on Wed 18 Jan 06 17:16
Clowns by Shattered on Tue 17 Jan 06 23:44
Down Under by Shattered on Tue 17 Jan 06 07:19
Three wishes........... by zzyzx: I am a Joker zzyzx on Mon 16 Jan 06 16:49
The Gunny Sgt. by zzyzx: I am a Joker zzyzx on Mon 16 Jan 06 15:28
Teaching Math............ by zzyzx: I am a Joker zzyzx on Mon 16 Jan 06 15:16
Rejection Lines by I never met a pornstar I didn't like sonoftort on Sat 14 Jan 06 20:00
worth a thousand words... by I never met a pornstar I didn't like sonoftort on Fri 13 Jan 06 01:09
Hurricane names by zzyzx: I am a Joker zzyzx on Thu 12 Jan 06 11:15
  • NT lol thx by msr: I am a Joker msr on Thu 12 Jan 06 17:53
during a visit... by msr: I am a Joker msr on Wed 11 Jan 06 15:19
For the Aussies by zzyzx: I am a Joker zzyzx on Tue 10 Jan 06 16:40
For my fellow Alaskans............ by zzyzx: I am a Joker zzyzx on Tue 10 Jan 06 10:50
Heh, heh... by I never met a pornstar I didn't like sonoftort on Mon 9 Jan 06 19:04
Special bulletin from the sex fairy by zzyzx: I am a Joker zzyzx on Sun 8 Jan 06 22:07
The singing parrot................. by zzyzx: I am a Joker zzyzx on Sun 8 Jan 06 21:43
How yodeling began............. by zzyzx: I am a Joker zzyzx on Sun 8 Jan 06 21:25
The ten commandments by zzyzx: I am a Joker zzyzx on Sun 8 Jan 06 15:54
Older but wiser............. by zzyzx: I am a Joker zzyzx on Sun 8 Jan 06 15:46
Math 'n stats by zzyzx: I am a Joker zzyzx on Sun 8 Jan 06 14:32
A bit late for xmas, but... by I never met a pornstar I didn't like sonoftort on Sat 7 Jan 06 15:30
Laying down the law... by I never met a pornstar I didn't like sonoftort on Wed 4 Jan 06 00:46
Version = 56k-0--18-308.txt


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