1 Go to a second-hand store and buy a pair of  

men's used size 14-16 work boots  

2. Place them on your front porch, along with  

several empty beer cans, a copy of Guns & Ammo magazine and several  

NRA magazines.  

3. Put a few giant dog dishes next to the boots  

and magazines.  

4. Leave a note on your door that reads:  

'Hey Bubba, Big Jim, Duke and Slim, I went to  

the gun shop for more ammunition. Back in an hour. Don't mess with  

the pit bulls -- they attacked the mailman this morning and messed him  

up real bad. I don't think Killer took part in it but it was hard to  

tell from all the blood.  

PS - I locked all four of 'em in the house.  

Better wait outside.'  

INSTALLATION COMPLETE!!!!