1 . IF YOU'RE CHOKING ON AN ICE CUBE, SIMPLY POUR A CUP OF BOILING WATER DOWN YOUR THROAT . PRESTO! THE BLOCKAGE WILL INSTANTLY REMOVE ITSELF .  

2 . AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES BY GETTING SOMEONE ELSE TO HOLD THE VEGETABLES WHILE YOU CHOP .  

3 . AVOID ARGUMENTS WITH THE FEMALES ABOUT LIFTING THE TOILET SEAT BY USING THE SINK .  

4 . FOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE SUFFERERS ~ SIMPLY CUT YOURSELF AND BLEED FOR A FEW MINUTES, THUS REDUCING THE PRESSURE ON YOUR VEINS . REMEMBER TO USE A TIMER .  

5 . A MOUSE TRAP PLACED ON TOP OF YOUR ALARM CLOCK WILL PREVENT YOU FROM ROLLING OVER AND GOING BACK TO SLEEP AFTER YOU HIT THE SNOOZE BUTTON .  

6 . IF YOU HAVE A BAD COUGH, TAKE A LARGE DOSE OF LAXATIVES . THEN YOU'LL BE AFRAID TO COUGH .  

7 . YOU ONLY NEED TWO TOOLS IN LIFE - WD-40 AND DUCT TAPE . IF IT DOESN'T MOVE AND SHOULD, USE THE WD-40 . IF IT SHOULDN'T MOVE AND DOES, USE THE DUCT TAPE .  

8 . REMEMBER - EVERYONE SEEMS NORMAL UNTIL YOU GET TO KNOW THEM .  

9 . IF YOU CAN'T FIX IT WITH A HAMMER, YOU'VE GOT AN ELECTRICAL PROBLEM .